Hey there. Some of you who know me know that my son was diagnosed with autism recently. My husband and I started on the very scary journey back in October of last year to find answers for some of the behaviors he was (and HAD been) exibiting since he was born. As an elementary school teacher, you'd think I would definitely have a clue as to what was the issue, but that just did not happen. His preschool teachers did though, and thank God we jumped in with both feet on the search to find out how to help him. Let me say that his behaviors can be comical and endearing, so it was hard for me to be objective and not say, "Well, his daddy does that." or "He gets that from me." And it was extremely hard to take myself out of the equation and realize this had nothing to do with me...this was about him.
When the formal diagnosis was made, I can honestly say I went through the grieving process, grieving the son I thought I had:
1. Shock and Denial- Some of my thoughts were..."This cannot be happening." "How can MY son be autistic?"
2. Pain and Guilt- "Should I really have gotten those vaccinations (although I DO NOT believe that they lead to autism)?" "Would putting him in a daycare, surrounded by other kids have helped?" "Did I talk to him/read to him/engage him enough?"
3. Anger and Bargaining- "Why me?" "Bad stuff always happens to me." "I really wished for things to be different." "This isn't fair."
4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness- "Nobody understands what I am going through." "How am I going to deal with this?" "What if he never is happy and has a normal life?"
5. The Upward Turn- "Huh..just because I know he has autism, it hasn't changed him." "He is still the same loveable, adorable kid." "Autism doesn't define him at all. He is brave, funny, beautiful, bright, and affectionate."
6. Reconstruction and Working Through- "What services can I arrange for him?" "How do I get him an IEP?" "What schools are going to be best for him?" "How can I help others help him/relate to him?"
7. Acceptance and Hope- "Wow. Early intervention DOES work." "I can finally understand and connect with my son." "How can I use my story/situation to help others?" "I don't care what his diagnosis is...he is still MY Jaden, and I love him beyond words." "He WILL succeed and lead a good life. I'll do everything I can to make that happen."
The incredible thing is...this has brought my husband and I so much closer, especially during the 4th stage of grief. We learned to rely and lean on each other more than ever. I have also learned to trust God to bring me through this, and He has definitely been more than faithful. So, when I think about the honor and priviledge it is to have such a dear child entrusted and gifted to me by Him, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me because I don't.
No comments:
Post a Comment